


he thought we could trust you

by kocuria



Series: the Winter drabbles [3]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Canon Divergence - Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Comic Book Science, Headspace, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Bucky Barnes, Sharing a Body, Перевод на русский | Translation in Russian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:55:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24996469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kocuria/pseuds/kocuria
Summary: The Captain grabs the flesh hand in both of his and looks at them... imploringly. He wants something, but won’t make it a command.He might as well - Bucky’s willing to do anything and everything to make him happy. Winter doesn’t understand why, exactly - Bucky’s impressed on him there’s no punishment to fear from the Captain - but it’s true. It’s enough for Steve toimplysomething and Bucky’s all too eager to comply.-Bucky has a choice to make. It's about Winter.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Winter, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Winter
Series: the Winter drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805338
Comments: 61
Kudos: 311





	1. Winter

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Он думал, мы можем довериться тебе](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25588579) by [fandom Starbucks and Evanstan 2020 (fandom_Starbucks_and_Evanstan_2020)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandom_Starbucks_and_Evanstan_2020/pseuds/fandom%20Starbucks%20and%20Evanstan%202020), [Merianda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merianda/pseuds/Merianda)



> This is the part of the story that jumped at me immediately after the first chapter of "where else would we go", but I decided it needed some fluff padding (and context) before I drop it on you.
> 
> I'm even more of an anti-social potato than usual, lately - for real-life-mess reasons - so I'm kinda having trouble _answering_ comments right now. They still 100% give me life and make me write that much faster. 😉  
> (Guess _why_ it's so easy for me to write Winter 😁)
> 
> Note: there isn't and there _won't_ be a Civil War in this 'verse, cause, just, _no._ I'll solve the Howard Stark problem once we get to it, somehow, but Tony's definitely a friendly here and will continue to be.
> 
> The author has no experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder whatsoever (way too much with other fun mental stuff though).  
> Shared headspace: **bold** for Winter, _italics_ for Bucky.  
> You can find the series timeline [HERE!](https://kocuria.tumblr.com/post/637890812746891264/timeline-for-the-winter-drabbles-series)  
>   
> Find me on [Tumblr](https://kocuria.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter!](https://twitter.com/kocuria)
> 
> edit 29/07/2020: oh my _god_ , guys, there's a _translation_ into Russian now! And it's absolutely amazing! 💖💖💖

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well, there’s never been a case quite like yours-” the Doctor says, but the Captain barrels over her.  
> “There’s not _going to be_ anyone with experience in split personalities after 70 years of POW trauma in a super-soldier, Buck.” He sounds like he’s genuinely trying to help, but… Winter can feel how uneasy Bucky is. “And Helen’s the best there is.”

“There’s a very good chance that using Stark’s BARF technology we can… well, not fully ‘integrate’ the other personality, that’s not the word we use anymore. But we can definitely lessen its impact on your life, Sergeant Barnes,” Helen Cho says. She looks torn between fascination and genuine desire to help.

Physical threat level of Doctor Cho: low.

Threat level of her ideas: to be determined.

Bucky’s quiet for some time, and Winter can feel how… overwhelmed he is. It’s not unlike the feeling just after the mission, once the Soldier-

Focus, Winter. That train of thought is the _last_ thing you- he- _you_ need right now.

“But, you have no experience with this,” Bucky says finally, hesitantly.

“Well, no, there’s never been a case quite like yours-” the Doctor says, but the Captain barrels over her.

“There’s not _going to be_ anyone with experience in split personalities after 70 years of POW trauma in a super-soldier, Buck.” He sounds like he’s genuinely trying to help, but… Winter can feel how uneasy Bucky is. “And Helen’s the best there is.”

“Well, to be fair, I’m not _that_ kind of doctor, Steve,” she smiles a little. She’s obviously the Captain’s ally.

“I trust her,” the Captain says firmly.

Bucky’s quiet for a long time, and the others seem to sense he needs his space. The doctor gets up and wanders off to talk with Doctor Banner-

Physical threat level of Doctor Bruce Banner: low.

Threat level of the Hulk: to be determined. Let’s start with extremely high.

-with Doctor Banner, who takes one look at Bucky and the Captain huddled on the sofa, then takes the woman by the elbow and guides her out of the room. They’re left alone.

There’s touching - Winter quickly noticed there’s _always_ some kind of touching when the Captain is near them - but that’s acceptable, Bucky can deal with it. Bucky seems to _enjoy_ and be _comforted_ by it, which, okay. To be examined at a later date.

They’re seated on a sofa big enough to accommodate at least five people, but they’re pressed close together, shoulders touching. The Captain kept brushing against them - their shoulder, their thigh, their flesh hand, their _metal_ hand - all through the conversation, but now that they’re alone, he’s grabbed the flesh hand in both of his and looks at them like-

like-

like he’s about to give them an order? No, that’s not it. Winter shuffles through the vocabulary.

 _Imploringly._ The Captain wants something, but he won’t make it a command.

He might as well - Bucky’s willing to do anything and everything to make him happy. Winter doesn’t understand why, exactly - Bucky’s impressed on him there’s no punishment to fear from the Captain - but it’s true. It’s enough for Steve to _imply_ something and Bucky’s all too eager to comply.

So far the suggestions have been food (excellent), sleep (strangely undisturbed by the bad dream-movies, even if the _cuddling_ was not optimal), soft clothes (very nice, but the blanket on the sofa is softer - must investigate) and talking with Helen Cho and Bruce Banner (Winter doesn’t know what to think about _them_ , yet).

And then there’s _now_.

“Buck, I _trust_ her. This can make you feel so much better, you’re _safe_ now, you don’t need a- a protective shell to-”

“He’s not a shell,” Bucky stops him. Winter perks up. It’s the first time Bucky’s said anything even _remotely_ contradictory to the Captain’s opinions or wishes.

“It’s a condition, Bucky. An _illness_. Like Mr Ryan from your ma’s building, remember him? He came back from the war and was never the same after. They have names for these things, now! And there’s _treatments_. They can help you, please, Buck, _let them_ help you!”

Bucky slowly takes their hand from between the Captain’s, and Captain looks like.

He's just been injured?

(There’s no violence, there’s been no violence in those last 24 hours, yet Bucky and Steve keep looking - feeling - hurt. Winter doesn’t understand, but luckily _Bucky_ does.)

“His name is Winter,” Bucky says quietly, enunciating every word very carefully. “He’s saved me more times than I can count - than I can _recall_. He’s protected me from the Soldier for years. _Decades._ Do _not_ call him an _it.”_

The Captain does look… chastised. “I’m sorry, I know-”

“No, you _don’t._ You _don’t_ know, and thank _god,_ Stevie, I don't _ever_ want you to know what it’s like to have someone completely overwrite your agency and take over your body.”

There’s a _storm_ of emotions going on inside Bucky and Winter can’t identify any of them, other than _hurt._

And **_protect_** _._ He knows **_protect_ **very well, he just didn’t know Bucky had it too.

“But that’s the thing, Bucky, isn’t that exactly what’s happening? It-” Bucky throws the Captain a furious look “-sorry, _he,_ he comes and takes over and it’s like you’re not even _here_ anymore!”

Bucky gets up and starts pacing. Winter understands the need to distance themselves from the threat of-

the threat of-

is the Captain to be classified as a threat now?

There’s three knives on their body, and a sturdy coffee table between them and the Captain that can be kicked up and used as an obstacle. The Captain’s shield is nowhere in sight - doesn’t mean it isn’t close, there’s more than enough hiding spots within easy reach-

 _He’s not going to attack us, Winter,_ Bucky says.

**Then why are we moving away?**

_He’s. I. I don’t like this idea._

**We don’t have to comply. He’s the handler, yes, but you said there’s going to be no punishment.**

_He’s not- okay. Yes, there won’t be a punishment, but I still don’t like disagreeing with him._

**… why are you?**

_Are you serious?!_

**He seems to mean well. He seems to understand the situation better than we do.**

_No! He_ doesn’t _understand, he doesn’t understand a single_ thing _here!_

 **So.** **_We_ ** **know better?**

_YES!_

**Then tell him.**

Bucky stops pacing and stands in front of the Captain, who’s looking at them strangely.

“You’re talking to- to him, aren’t you? You get that _look_ on your face, sometimes,” the Captain - Steve, we’re supposed to call him Steve - _the Captain_ says.

“Yes!” Bucky says vehemently. “Yes, I’m talking to him, cause this is not just my decision here!”

“But it _is,_ Bucky, it’s _your_ body-”

“NOT ANYMORE!” Bucky yells.

Knives. Coffee table. Where’s that shield. Not a threat? Right.

_Not a threat, Winter._

**... Okay.  
**

“... Buck?”

“Not anymore, it’s not just mine, Stevie! Don’t you see? It was the Soldier’s” - they both shudder, and it must be external, too, because the look on the Captain’s face softens - “whenever they _triggered_ him,” Bucky spits out.

“Bucky-”

“No, you _don’t understand._ It was _theirs,_ the body was _theirs,_ whenever they wanted it to. But when they didn’t? It was _mine_ and I _couldn’t._ I _couldn’t,_ Stevie. So Winter came and _helped me._ Yes, he takes over sometimes. But it’s always when I _need_ him to. I don’t even have to _ask._ He’s _inside my head_ , Stevie, he _knows_ when I can’t do this alone. But I’m still _here_ , I can still take it back whenever I want to, he’s more than happy to just sit back and let me drive!” Bucky’s pacing again, agitated.

“Bucky-”

“You weren’t there, okay? I had to do this _alone_ , and I couldn’t. And he came when I needed him and I’m not- not _absorbing_ him or ‘minimizing his impact on my life’, for fuck’s sake, Stevie, who would I be if I did that to him?!”

_“Bucky-”_

“What?!”

“I’m sorry.”

Winter knows they’re talking about him. He also knows he’s missing most of the subtext, even if he understands the words. Bucky’s angry. The Captain’s… contrite?

“What?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“Fuck, Steve, _that’s_ what you get from this?! This isn’t _about you!”_

“But-”

 _“No,_ Steve. No. I can’t. I need to think, okay? And you hovering over us isn’t helping.”

Bucky’s pacing has taken him to the balcony door, and he opens it now. The weather outside is wonderful, any traces of yesterday’s rain gone in the early-summer sun. There’s lounging chairs and plants to explore and a very nice view of New York. They’re higher than all the buildings surrounding them, so it’s safe enough. Winter likes the prospect of going out there very much.

There will probably be no stray cats this high up, though.

**Can we get a cat?**

_What?_ Bucky’s startled out of his storming thoughts.

**Can we. Get a cat? Cats are nice. If we stay here. Can we get a cat?**

Bucky sighs, then laughs a little. _Yes, Winter. Yes, I imagine we can get a cat. I don’t know about staying, though._

**The Captain’s a threat?**

_Not_ that _kind of threat, no._

**Okay. Sun?**

_Yes, Winter. Sun._ Bucky’s voice has gone soft and quiet. Winter doesn’t understand the sudden hurt- no, it’s _sadness_ \- around him. _Sadness_ is lavender-blue.

“You’re doing it again, you know,” the Captain’s voice reaches them.

“Yes. Yes, and I’ll _keep_ doing it. Leave me be for the time being, okay? Let me think. Let _us_ talk. Please.”

The Captain murmurs his assent.

The spot between the plants and the edge of the balcony is exactly as optimal as it promised to be. Even if there’s no cats to pet.

Yet.


	2. Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bucky?”  
> “He’s tired,” says the man with Bucky’s face. Steve stifles a growl.  
> “Winter.”  
> “Good afternoon, Captain.” Bucky’s face turns to him, still calm, but there’s definite wariness to it now, too.  
>  _Good._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time writing a Steve - I've beta'd probably over 500k of various Steves, but this is the first one that's completely mine.  
> Holy shit, this was nerve-wracking.

Bucky asked him to back off. He asked for time to think.

How long is he supposed to stay backed off though? Minutes? Hours?

Days?

Steve feels it like an itch under his skin, the need to go, to touch, to make _sure_ \- Bucky’s really here, isn’t he? It wasn’t all just a dream?

After _weeks._ Weeks of searching, of going out of his mind with worry, of driving Natasha and Tony up the walls, of sleepless nights, of nightmares and regrets and second-guessing and-

He’s _here._ He’s finally _here._

And Steve couldn’t even go 24 hours without starting a fight. 

_Really, Rogers? You had to go and flap your mouth, didn’t you._

The voice sounds eerily like Bucky. Steve laughs, somewhat hysterically. Oh, great, now they’re both hearing things. 

Bruce looks up from his tablet with a frown, but Steve waves him off.

Bucky’s hearing a _voice_ in his head. The voice of the Winter Soldier. The monster they forced into him. The butcher who had no compunction about attacking, stabbing, shooting, damn near _killing_ Steve.

Steve doesn’t blame Bucky, of course he doesn’t. The Winter Soldier? You fucking bet he does.

And Bucky’s stuck with him in his head and he doesn’t even see he’s protecting his- his abuser.

Bucky says it’s not the same person-

wait, when did Steve start thinking of a symptom as a person, what’s going on-

Bucky says it’s not the same entity as the Soldier. That “Winter” _protected_ him.

Why is it calling itself “Winter” then?

Steve can just about see Bucky’s feet where he’s sat himself in the corner of the balcony. Like he’s feeling threatened, like he needs to have his back to the wall, tucked away in the farthest nook where nobody can get a drop on him. Like he doesn’t trust Steve to have his back.

(Steve can see the hypervigilance. The way Bucky clocks all the exits and potential weapons and tenses every time anyone so much as _twitches_ around him. Steve wants to _scream_ every time that happens. What happened to the charismatic, cock-sure boy from Brooklyn?

Steve doesn’t scream. He doesn’t break down. Bucky needs him composed. Bucky needs his support now.

Bucky needs Steve to make sure he’s got the best care possible, even if he doesn’t see it himself, yet.)

How long has it been? Half an hour? 45 minutes? Surely that’s enough, isn’t it? Bucky _never_ wanted Steve to stay away for long. They’ve been joined at the hip for as long as Steve can remember.

He sighs explosively - earning another wary look from Bruce - then squares his shoulders and makes his way to the balcony door, opening it. He does it noisily on purpose, to alert Bucky to his presence. He doesn’t want to startle him.

He needn’t have worried. Bucky’s… sprawled, like a content cat. He’s made himself a hiding spot by moving some of the huge potted plants, so that his back and one side are touching the wall, his other side covered by the greenery. He's close to the edge of the balcony, like he can’t help but perch himself there for a better sightline.

Steve smiles a little, thinking of Clint. It has to be a sniper thing.

Bucky’s face is turned to the sun like a flower, eyes closed, and he looks... calm. Peaceful. The worry lines have smoothed out, making him look almost like the boy he was before the Army took him, to be broken and remade into something hard and unyielding.

Steve’s struck, again - always - by how stunningly _beautiful_ he is. A face that could launch a thousand ships. Steve would launch them _and_ set them on fire just to keep this look on Bucky’s face.

He shuffles over and sits on the edge of one of the pots. _Not too close, you don’t want to crowd him._

“Bucky?”

“He’s tired,” says the man with Bucky’s face. Steve stifles a growl.

“Winter.” Steve’s whole body's gone tense, expecting… what, an attack? If anything, “Winter” proved to be non-violent so far. There’s no reason to expect aggression now.

“Good afternoon, Captain.” Bucky’s face turns to him, still calm, but there’s definite wariness to it now, too.

_Good._

“Can I talk to Bucky?” Steve asks, as politely as he can while wanting to grab Bucky and shake him hard, snap him out of this- this- this hallucination.

“He’s _tired,”_ Winter says, again, looking at him strangely.

“So, that means you, what, just took over and decided to take his body for a ride?” Steve asks. He can’t help himself. All his instincts scream to **protect** but he can’t, how does he protect Bucky against- against _this?_

“He’s… thinking. I can feel him processing, in the back of the head, and he’s aware of what’s going on. He’s okay where he is, for now,” Winter says, frowning.

“And… I should just take your word for it?”

 _Calm down, Rogers, don’t antagonize it- him-_ it. _You don’t know what it might do._

“Do you have any other choice here?” Winter asks mildly.

“No, I don’t suppose I do.” Steve wants to _scream._ He doesn’t.

“You’re _hurting_ him,” Winter says suddenly, and there’s - not hostility, not exactly, but he definitely doesn’t sound friendly, now.

“I-”

“No. You’re _hurting_ him, I don’t know _how,_ I don’t know _why,_ but you’re _hurting_ him.” Winter’s sprawl suddenly seems much more menacing - not a house cat, but a predator eyeing its prey. Like he’s finally sensing the upcoming confrontation, too.

“And you’re doing _what,_ exactly, taking over his body like this?” Steve asks, indignant.

“Protecting him,” Winter says, matter-of-factly. Like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“You call taking away his will _protection?”_

“He needs this.” Winter doesn’t take his eyes off Steve, and Steve can’t help the shiver running down his spine. _This_ is the Winter Soldier he’s fought on the highway. The coiled violence ready to spring.

“You’re telling me he’s _asked you_ for this, are you?”

“He didn’t have to. I knew.”

“Right. And, again, I’m going to have to take your word for it.”

They’re going in circles. It’s like the man- the personality- _Winter_ is being willfully obtuse.

“I’ll always protect him. It’s why he made me. It’s why I'm here.”

“Protect him from _what?_ You think he’s in _danger_ here, with _me?”_ Steve can’t help but laugh. Winter knows _nothing_ of Steve-and-Bucky, if he thinks Bucky needs protection when Steve’s here to have his back _._

“From _you,”_ Winter says, getting up gracefully, and Steve recoils.

“You think I would-”

Winter talks right over him. “He thought we could _trust_ you. He believed it so much I brought us here, to you. I put him in _your_ care and you’re _hurting him.”_

“He-” Steve splutters.

“No, Captain. I’m not letting this continue.” Winter makes to step around Steve, towards the balcony door, but Steve grabs his arm.

Winter looks at him sharply, then slowly - carefully? - grabs Steve’s wrist with his metal hand and forces it away. 

“What are you going to _do,_ just walk out?” Steve snarls.

“Yes.”

“Like I’d _let you-”_

Suddenly a harried-looking Natasha barges onto the balcony, hair flying, face determined. Winter’s eyes immediately go to her, and Steve relaxes. Good. If he needs to take Bucky down without hurting him-

“You’re not a prisoner here, Winter,” Nat says, and Steve’s brain comes to a screeching stop.

“Aren’t we?” Winter says, looking at Steve.

“No. _No,_ he isn’t,” Nat says to Steve, and, _what?_

“You’ll let us leave,” Winter says, surprise evident in his voice.

“Yes, we will. Here,” Nat says, extending a hand with - with a keycard to the Tower and _car keys,_ what the _fuck,_ Nat?!

“And you’re telling me there’s no trackers on these, Spiderling?” Winter almost… smiles?

“Of course there are,” Nat full-on grins and Steve has _no idea_ what’s happening. “But you understand why we- why _Steve_ would want to know where Bucky is. I’m sure Bucky wouldn't want Steve to worry… too much?”

Understatement of the century. _Worry?_ Like Steve won’t go absolutely insane the moment he loses sight of Bucky- Winter- _Bucky._

Winter seems to be considering this. “And you won’t follow us.”

“Not… immediately,” Nat looks apologetic. “We understand you need space. You’re _not_ a prisoner, nobody’s going to hold you here against your will. I promise. Even if I have to physically _sit_ on Steve to stop him.”

Winter looks doubtful.

“Or ask the Hulk to do it,” Nat grins again.

Winter.

Smiles.

_Smiles._

It’s careful, most of his attention obviously still on risk analysis, but it’s there. 

It’s like suddenly Steve’s a 16-year-old boy from Brooklyn again, heart fluttering when Bucky smirks at him, sprawled on the sand in Coney.

_What._

_What the_ **_fuck._ **

Steve must be doing his best impression of a deer in the headlights, and both Nat and Winter look at him for a second, trying to figure out what’s going on. Nat’s brow furrows for a moment, but then her attention’s on Winter again.

“Take it. Please. I know you don’t need these, but… please. You’re Steve’s Bucky - no, I know, you’re _not,_ but you _are_ \- and we’ll worry. I know it's a lot to ask, but... trust me?”

Winter throws an appraising look at Steve, again, then slowly takes the card and the keys.

“We’ll… stay in New York. Give us a few days?” he says, finally, quietly.

Steve’s brain does… something. He’s not sure what, at this point. It’s like a rollercoaster of emotions, all happening at once, and he’s holding on for dear life.

Betrayal. Nat. _Nat?_

Fear. He’s leaving. You’ve _had_ him, and now you’ve _lost him._ Again.

Hope. But he’s… taking the trackers, right?

Guilt. You’ve _failed_ him. Again.

Over the ringing in his ears, he hears Nat say, “Three days. That’s the best I can do,” and Winter’s assent.

His hand shoots out and grabs Winter’s- Bucky’s- _Winter’s_ arm again.

“You’ll… come back? You promise? You’ll bring him back?”

“It’s his decision, not mine,” Winter says, carefully.

Steve breathes out. Bucky would _never_ leave Steve. _Never._ He just needs to wait this- this other personality, out.

It’s going to be okay.

Right?

Bucky will come back, right?

There’s a tiny voice in his head that says, _Not if you don’t get your head out of your ass, Rogers,_ and it’s like he’s suddenly seeing the Mexican stand-off they’re in for the first time.

His hand, restraining Winter.

Natasha, looking at him pleadingly.

Winter, assessing him as a potential threat.

He’s fucked this up, hasn't he? He’s been fucking this up all day, and he didn’t even realize. _Jesus fucking christ, Rogers, you complete moron._

He forces himself to let go, and sees some of the tension leave Winter’s body.

“... Okay,” Steve croaks out. “Okay. Three days. Bucky- Winter- please? _Please.”_

He doesn’t know what he’s pleading for, but Winter tilts his head and looks at him - _sees_ him.

“We’ll be in touch,” he says finally.

Winter leaves.

Steve sags to the floor and tries to figure out how the _hell_ could he have screwed this up so monumentally. He’s just hoping this wasn’t his only chance with Bucky- with _Winter_ \- because if it was… If it was, he’s lost them.

Both of them.


	3. Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Do you want to just go? Not come back. Leave New York, the States even? We could. If you want to._  
>  **You said he’s ours.**  
>  _It doesn’t matter if it’s not something you want, too._  
>  Winter’s quiet for a time.  
>  **I never had anything that was _mine,_ before.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all the Nat lovers out there in the comments 😘  
> I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to pull off a Bucky, but he's actually quite easy to write when Winter's in the picture.
> 
> Shared headspace: **bold** for Winter, _italics_ for Bucky.

Bucky emerges at sunset, lured in by the utter contentment radiating from Winter. They’re seated at the very end of a breakwater, waves lapping their bare feet. The rocks under them are warm from baking in the June sun all day.

Bucky smiles to himself. Of course Winter’s happy, they’re _warm._

 _Coney Island, really?_ he doesn’t even try to hide his amusement.

**You dreamed of this place. Seemed nice. It was less crowded in the dream, though.**

_Well, to be fair, that was almost a century ago and we were playing hooky on a weekday in spring._

**I like this,** Winter hums. **The splashing is nice.**

Bucky adds ‘sea sounds’ to his mental list of things Winter enjoys. He’s made a point to take note of these - to seek them out, letting Winter take over as a matter of choice, not life-threatening necessity. It always feels like seeing things for the first time all over again, Winter’s child-like wonder turning even the simplest experiences absolutely breathtaking.

Bucky's in dire need of good things in his life.

He hasn’t figured out Winter’s thought processes yet, exactly, but teaching him to actually enjoy himself instead of functioning in constant crisis mode seems like a good idea if they’re in it for the long haul.

Winter focuses on the colors playing over the water, so Bucky decides to look through the afternoon’s events - actually _look,_ not just notice and curl into a tight ball of denial.

 _… Steve, you_ moron.

Winter makes an inquisitive noise.

_He had to go and stick his nose in it, didn’t he._

**He thinks I’m the Soldier,** Winter says, dejected. **You said he wouldn’t hurt us.**

Bucky cringes. _This is why I didn’t want to go to him in the first place, Winter. He doesn’t understand._ I _don’t, sometimes, and I'm literally in your head._

 **So I was wrong to go to him.** Winter sounds like a kicked puppy. Bucky kind of wants to bundle him in a blanket and feed him cotton candy.

(Cotton candy. Now _that’s_ a thought. Bucky adds it to the list.)

_No. No, you weren’t wrong. You meant well. And things seemed to be going well last night._

**Actually…**

_Am I about to learn why I woke up on the sofa this morning?_ Bucky asks, grinning.

 **He was** **_touching_ ** **us!**

Bucky valiantly tries to stifle his laughter at Winter’s indignation. He doesn’t really succeed, and Winter seems annoyed.

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry, you’re right. We’ll figure out the touching thing, somehow. I know you don’t like it._

**It’s only an issue if we go back.**

_Yeah, about that. Why did you leave?_

**You were** **_hurting_ ** **and it was his fault. We came there because he was supposed to make things better. He was making it** **_worse._ **

_Winter-_

**He was.**

Bucky sighs. _Yes, he was. But sometimes things_ have to _get worse before they get better._

Winter’s distinctly puzzled.

_Like a bullet wound? We have to dig it out first and that hurts, but if we don’t we can’t heal._

Winter tenses. **Bullet? You said he wasn’t a threat.**

_He isn’t, Winter. I promise. Can you trust me on this? He won’t attack us._

**He was about to.**

Bucky needs to thank whoever it was that sent Natalia to that balcony. His money’s on Doctor Banner, but JARVIS is a close second.

_He was scared. He thought you were about to hurt me._

Winter scoffs.

 _Yes, I know it’s ridiculous, but_ he _doesn’t._

**Can’t _he_ trust you on it?**

_He will. I’ll explain. He just needs to see that you have the same goal here._

**Protect.**

Bucky smiles at the gust of hot, possessive concern that buffets over him. 

_Yes. You just do it in different ways._

**You want to go back.**

_What do_ you _want to do?_ Bucky counters.

**I-**

_Do you want to just go? Not come back. Leave New York, the States even? We could. If you want to._

**You said he’s ours.**

_It doesn’t matter if it’s not something you want, too._

Winter’s quiet for a long time. The sun has set, but the encroaching dark isn’t an issue for supersoldier eyes, and the moon is bright on the water.

 **I never had anything that was** **_mine,_ ** **before.**

_He could be._

**Do we have to do the treatment thing? If we go back?**

_NO. No, we don’t have to._

**He wants us to.**

_Doesn’t matter._

Bucky can sense Winter's scepticism. **You’d have to argue with him, again. You want him to be happy with us. He won’t be.**

 _I want_ you _to be happy with us_ more, _Winter._

**… what does ‘lessening the impact of the secondary personality’ mean?**

_They want to… to make sure I stay in control as much as possible. That you don’t get to take over. Decide things._

**But… you** **_want_ ** **me to take over, sometimes.**

_Yes._

**So you… don’t agree.**

_No, Winter, I don’t. You’re not secondary here. Yes, I was here first, but I wouldn’t be here without you. And you’re_ me, _too. I don’t think I can be myself without you anymore._

Winter’s quiet. Bucky can sense his confusion.

 _I_ need _you. And I want to protect you, too._

Winter smiles, full of wonder. **Yes, I saw that.**

_You like cats and sunspots and sweet things-_

**And blankets.** Winter shows him the sense-memory of the blue throw on Steve’s sofa.

 _And soft blankets,_ Bucky agrees. _You’re a person. You deserve protecting._

 **The Captain thought I was** ** _him._** **The Soldier.** Winter sounds small and hurt. **Why** ** _would_** **he?**

Bucky wants to march right into the Tower and kick Steve’s ass for this one, for putting this thought in Winter’s head. 

_I think it’s the name?_ he finally says, carefully.

**The Spiderling gave us this name.**

_Yes, she did. But Steve doesn’t know that. And I don't think she remembers, either. They did wipes on her, too._

**Didn’t she heal?**

_Not as quickly as we did, no. If at all._

**So she doesn’t know.**

A memory of huge green eyes, way too sharp for a child, piercing into them. Fiery red a shocking splash against all the grey.

 _I think she does know_ something. _She did stand up for you, didn’t she._

 **She did.** There’s awe in Winter’s voice. **Nobody's done that before.**

_She’s in the Tower, too. We wouldn’t just be going back to Steve. She’d be there, too._

**Would she be ours, too?**

_She was, in a way, back then… she could be again, I think. Do you want her to be?_

**And there’d be no wipes to take her away, this time.** Winter stops, then adds carefully, **O** **r Steve.**

Bucky smiles. _So you’re using his name now?_

 **He- he called me Winter, at the end. He said _your_ name, but then he said mine, ** Winter says slowly. **He wanted** **_us_ ** **to stay?**

Bucky chooses his words carefully. _We’re a package deal. I think he was starting to see that._ He deftly retrieves the memory of Steve’s jaw dropping in reaction to Winter’s smile. _You’ve got an advantage, you know._

 **Advantage?** Winter perks up, just as Bucky knew he would.

_He’s already in love with us._

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! 🙃  
>   
>   
> 


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